okansas.blogspot.com

okansas.blogspot.com
Occassional thoughts about orienteering

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

My day

I had a normal day today. I got up, went to work, took a lunch break, jogged after work, ate dinner, read a bit, and soon I'll go to bed.

But imagine how much more interesting my day would have been if I did what my email spam was telling me!

I'd have started the day worried. Sure, I've worked up the nerve to ask Emerald out. But, I'm worried about concerns about my performance disrupting the thrill and momentum of spontaneous, passionate love. Fortunately, a "real doctor" using "real science" is there to help. Whew, that takes away the worry....

Next my day would get even better! I won the lottery in the Netherlands!!! $400,000 US dollars waiting for me.

And the good news just keeps getting better. A great philanthropist who died in the U.K. 2 years ago named me in his will. More money! This time it is 5.6 million British pounds. And all I need to do is get in touch with Chuba Taylor, who'll help me get the cash.

At this point it is pretty obvious that my actual day -- going to work, for example -- was a real waste of time. My lottery winning and inheritance exceed what I'd make in a lifetime of performance auditing.

But, then I'm hit with sadness (fortunately the real doctor has cured my of my worry, so I can take some sadness)...you see, another old friend has kicked the bucket. This time, it was an Australian petroleum engineer in Nigeria. So sad. But, I guess the $35,000,000 he left me will help.

I'm doing great at this point. But the spammers just don't get it. Now they want to offer me a $145,000 mortgage for a low monthly payment. Are they kidding? With all the cash I've got (and with no worries), why would I borrow money?

Macys.com is a bit more on top of things. They want me to buy at least $50 of beauty brands (whatever that means) and they'll pay the shipping. That sounds like a scam. Why would Macys.com pay the shipping? Yeah, it must be some sort of scam.

Back to reality...I didn't do what my spam was telling me. I went to work. I went jogging. I came home. Just the usual routine.

posted by Michael | 7:59 PM

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