Occassional thoughts about orienteering

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

My day


I had a normal day today. I got up, went to work, took a lunch break, jogged after work, ate dinner, read a bit, and soon I'll go to bed.

But imagine how much more interesting my day would have been if I did what my email spam was telling me!

I'd have started the day worried. Sure, I've worked up the nerve to ask Emerald out. But, I'm worried about concerns about my performance disrupting the thrill and momentum of spontaneous, passionate love. Fortunately, a "real doctor" using "real science" is there to help. Whew, that takes away the worry....

Next my day would get even better! I won the lottery in the Netherlands!!! $400,000 US dollars waiting for me.

And the good news just keeps getting better. A great philanthropist who died in the U.K. 2 years ago named me in his will. More money! This time it is 5.6 million British pounds. And all I need to do is get in touch with Chuba Taylor, who'll help me get the cash.

At this point it is pretty obvious that my actual day -- going to work, for example -- was a real waste of time. My lottery winning and inheritance exceed what I'd make in a lifetime of performance auditing.

But, then I'm hit with sadness (fortunately the real doctor has cured my of my worry, so I can take some sadness)...you see, another old friend has kicked the bucket. This time, it was an Australian petroleum engineer in Nigeria. So sad. But, I guess the $35,000,000 he left me will help.

I'm doing great at this point. But the spammers just don't get it. Now they want to offer me a $145,000 mortgage for a low monthly payment. Are they kidding? With all the cash I've got (and with no worries), why would I borrow money?

Macys.com is a bit more on top of things. They want me to buy at least $50 of beauty brands (whatever that means) and they'll pay the shipping. That sounds like a scam. Why would Macys.com pay the shipping? Yeah, it must be some sort of scam.

Back to reality...I didn't do what my spam was telling me. I went to work. I went jogging. I came home. Just the usual routine.

posted by Michael | 7:59 PM


Comments: Post a Comment
March 2002April 2002May 2002June 2002July 2002August 2002September 2002October 2002November 2002December 2002January 2003February 2003March 2003April 2003May 2003June 2003July 2003August 2003September 2003October 2003November 2003December 2003January 2004February 2004March 2004April 2004May 2004June 2004July 2004August 2004September 2004October 2004November 2004December 2004January 2005February 2005March 2005April 2005May 2005June 2005July 2005August 2005September 2005October 2005November 2005December 2005January 2006February 2006March 2006April 2006May 2006June 2006July 2006August 2006September 2006October 2006November 2006December 2006January 2007February 2007March 2007April 2007May 2007June 2007July 2007August 2007September 2007October 2007November 2007December 2007January 2008February 2008March 2008April 2008May 2008June 2008July 2008August 2008September 2008October 2008November 2008December 2008January 2009February 2009March 2009April 2009May 2009June 2009July 2009August 2009September 2009October 2009November 2009December 2009January 2010February 2010March 2010April 2010May 2010June 2010July 2010August 2010September 2010October 2010November 2010December 2010January 2011February 2011March 2011April 2011May 2011June 2011July 2011August 2011September 2011October 2011November 2011December 2011January 2012February 2012March 2012April 2012May 2012June 2012July 2012August 2012September 2012October 2012November 2012December 2012January 2013March 2013April 2013May 2013July 2013September 2013